Lessons learned in therapy.

11 years later, here's what has stuck with me.

(If you’re wondering why this email is coming from Substack — hi! I transferred my mailing list so all my newsletters could live on the same platform. Glad you’re here.)

I started therapy in 2012 as a college sophomore. I’m as goal-oriented as they come, so I figured I’d only need a few sessions. Fast-forward 11 years, and I look forward to my bi-weekly therapy appointments.

I have felt ashamed about how much time I’ve spent in therapy, mainly because it’s been a short-term thing for many of my friends and family members. I’ve taken several breaks but inevitably experience trauma and need professional help again. 

I’ve seen several providers over the years. When a therapist asks if I’m familiar with cognitive distortions, part of me morphs into that Ron Swanson scene from Parks and Recreation.

For all of my complicated feelings about spending so many years in therapy, I’ve gleaned a lot of good things — some of which I thought may be helpful. These are the mantras and thought processes that I regularly return to and share with my friends. I’m obviously not a licensed therapist, but I hope that this post is helpful.

Just because I feel something doesn’t mean that it’s true.

Anxiety can be such a pain. Therapy and meds have been a lifesaver, but I used to be ruled by a gut feeling that something terrible would happen. Or I’d suddenly feel like Vagner was only with me out of pity, and my friends didn’t like me, and I only had a job because my employer felt bad for me. I've found it beneficial to remind myself that my feelings don’t get the final say if they don’t mesh with reality. 

People aren’t thinking about me as much as I imagine.

Occasionally, a friend will tell me how they humiliated themselves or said the wrong thing. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the story, and my internal response is usually, "That's it?" We're all the main characters in our lives, but that doesn't mean other people view us the same. Everyone is too busy obsessing over the ways they've messed up themselves. 

You didn’t embarrass yourself as much as you think you did.

This is a phrase that I’ve had to write down in journals and add to my Notes app. I overthink everything, and socially awkward moments stick with me for years. My therapist told me this in passing, and it’s stuck with me. We rarely make as much of a mess as it feels. And even if you did embarrass yourself as much as you think you did — see the previous point!

Is this a rational or irrational thought?

One of my fondest therapy memories is when my psychologist devised a unique way for me to challenge irrational thoughts. If you know me, you know how much I follow the news — so she told me to think of a trustworthy news outlet and then one that I didn't trust at all. I still ask myself, "Is this an Associated Press thought or a Breitbart thought?" Simply put, can I trust the source?

I understand if you’ve also had ~*~feelings~*~ about needing therapy for longer than you expected. But mental health, like most things in life, is rarely linear. It ebbs and flows, and there’s no shame in needing help processing, even if you feel you should know better by now.

Thank you so much for reading this post — your support means the world to me.