Embracing the mundane.
Boring isn't always a bad thing.
Do you ever have a moment where you look at your life and think, “What am I even doing?” If so, hi! Same here.
A couple of weeks ago, I used Instagram to document an average day with time-stamped periodic updates. I’m unsure what I expected, but I felt so silly when I re-watched my stories that evening. My life seemed so dull! The most exciting part was my car breaking down and going to an auto store for a new battery.
Weekdays have been hard for me for a while. I feel like I’m in a monotonous routine: wake up, take care of Nora, work, care for Nora, eat dinner, watch TV, scroll TikTok, go to bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. I’ve worked on changing it up — going on a walk in the evening, making cocktails with Vagner, playing Scrabble after Nora falls asleep — but I still have a nagging feeling that my days are too tedious.
But back to my day-in-the-life stories. After re-watching, I half-jokingly apologized on Instagram because it felt like a failed experiment. I invite thousands of people into my life via social media, and it doesn’t always feel like I have anything important to share. I didn’t really expect any responses, but my DMs were quickly full of people thanking me for sharing a normal life. I felt my perspective shifting as I read and responded to messages.
I’m starting to think about why a mundane routine is so upsetting. Sure, I could continue trying to shake things up and integrate new hobbies — I don’t think anything is wrong with that. But what’s so bad about a comfortable life, even if it is a bit boring? Is boring always a bad thing?
I’ve longed for life to return to normal during my worst times. I’ve hoped for the mundane instead of my current reality. I think about how what feels tedious to me now once felt impossible. I’m able to create a productive work routine. I have the energy to care for my child! I’m genuinely happy most days. Three years ago, none of this was true. Too often, I take these things for granted.
One of the most absurd things about this internal crisis is that it isn’t even fair to call my life boring. This year, I’ve been lucky enough to travel with my husband, see my favorite artists live, and laugh with friends until my stomach hurts during the occasional girls’ night. But on the average Wednesday when I’m trying to get my toddler to eat and the dishes in the sink are piled up and I want to go to bed, the exciting parts of my life feel far off.
I wish I had a tidy takeaway, but I’m still figuring this out. I’m learning to honor my genuine emotions without beating myself up for not feeling grateful. I’m finding reassurance in the predictability of my days rather than feeling sorry for myself that I’m not living a more exhilarating life. I look at my friends who live in big cities and have thrilling plans every night and feel genuinely happy for them. Perhaps most importantly, I’m starting to appreciate my boring days a little more.
Agreed, Ayana. My birthday was on Friday, and after two cocktails, I told my husband that I love our life. I love everything as it is—our routines, our hangouts, occasionally spending a meal out with good people, our kids and getting to be a part of their journeys and growth, our settled-in new home after an end-of-the-year move, etc. I'm satisfied with the life we've built for ourselves.
"Mundane" equals comfort to me. Maybe that's me being neurodivergent and finally accepting myself as I am, and learning to be okay with rarely if ever being able to "keep up" with others—it's nice to not even think like that anymore! But, finally, I feel fulfilled for the first time in my life. If I get to do more and achieve more, great! But I'm happy with how things are with us, our family, our friends, and with myself. This, I didn't realize until getting here, is exactly where I've always wanted to be in life. "More" doesn't equal better, and mundane can be beautiful and satisfying.
Thanks for sharing, Ayana!
I think it’s easy to feel like the ‘mundane’ day to day isn’t enough when we compare with the exciting highlights we see of other people’s lives. Maybe setting a goal or an intention to create little moments of joy more often is a way to remind yourself that a ‘mundane’ day to day can be fun and joy-filled too? Something as simple as taking an extra 10 mins to make yourself something special for lunch, or making cocktails together like you said. Those things won’t be every single day, but I think there’s a lot to be said for scattering little moments of joy into the everyday, instead of counting down to the big things every few months like concerts and holidays.