11 Comments
User's avatar
Katie Hawkins-Gaar's avatar

I can relate to so much of this! A mantra that’s helped me figure out when to share and when to hold back is “write from the scar, not from the wound.” I don’t always follow it, but I do pause far more often now and I’m happier for it!

Expand full comment
Ayana Gabrielle Lage's avatar

Oh, I love this. Thank you!

Expand full comment
Stephanie Hayes's avatar

I relate to this so much. I have people come up and say, "How was the dentist," and I am instantly suspicious and weirded out before remembering I posted or wrote all about it. I... also don't have the answer, lol, but I appreciate you engaging with the dilemma!

Expand full comment
Ayana Gabrielle Lage's avatar

Did not realize you were on Substack! Best news. And I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

Expand full comment
Shannon Mahaney's avatar

I feel like this is such a debate with us millennials! We grew up in a generation that shared everything online. Thank you for sharing this. Cannot wait to read your book!

Expand full comment
Ayana Gabrielle Lage's avatar

Agreed on how we grew up — and thank you for the kind words re: book!

Expand full comment
Olivia Muenter's avatar

So good.

I think this is part of why I have enjoyed writing fiction so much after years and years of personal essays. The catharsis and connection that comes with baring your soul is still baked into the process (at least for me), but there is also a buffer – both in the form of time (publishing takes forever) and, with fiction, the fact that no one will never know definitively what is from your life/brain/soul and what is made up and what is some mix of both.

Expand full comment
Ayana Gabrielle Lage's avatar

The way you're tempting me to try my hand at fiction 👀

Expand full comment
Olivia Muenter's avatar

Muahaha... and so my evil plan comes together...

Expand full comment
Ellen Meny's avatar

Totally relate to this as a tv reporter who shares a ton about my life on camera! Part of me is happy to be an open book so it can help others, and the other half is like, how do people know so much about me?? Oh...

Expand full comment
Ayana Gabrielle Lage's avatar

It's such a hard balance! I'm the same, totally fine being open but sometimes it hits me

Expand full comment